Bae Bae

I can see you up front.

And yet, you aren’t there.

Just a grey waxy doll.

Made like the Austin you were.

Your hair is too short.

Your body too cold.

That isn’t the man,

That I’ve come to know.

Austin is warm,

He’s always a mess

One hand smooths his hair.

The other sneaks up my dress.

A charmer, smooth talker

Above all a flirt.

Dangerous, spicy, deliciously sure.

More than and less than

a friend to me but still.

I didn’t have anyone then

For the hole he could fill.

I clung to his strength,

So I wouldn’t drown.

Swimming out of my depth

Darkness always around.

I would be holding in

The last breath I would breathe

Then he would know

Come and rescue me.

He would knock, wouldnt stop

Til I answered my door.

Tired and dirty,

but still smiling and sure.

He brings with him Silence.

The quiet, brings peace.

The shadows are still

My torment recedes.

I wasn’t, but still, I felt safer,

Than before.

He came and they left.

My mind quiet once more.

“Do you want to run

or do you want to stay?

We could get out.”

Lets run away!”.

Drawn tight and hollow,

His eyes were scared.

Fear on his face,

that inside I shared.

“Ok.”  I replied. “ I’m afraid.

Let’s get out why we can”.

Hands twined our heads bent.

Together we formed a plan.

Goodbye he says.

I’ll see you soon.

One day passes slowly.

a few more hours then two.

RING RING! it’s a liar,

she is selling tall tales.

A wicked fake crier,

Cruelty pretending it cares.

I hear the words that they tell me.

That he is gone, he is dead.

They lie, they are wrong!

My heart screams at my head.

Then Shock  freezes me.

I’m locked in place by disbelief.

I crumble into rubble.

Underneath crushing grief.

My friend is gone.

He opened me up.

Made me believe

He Helped me to trust.

Now he’s gone and…

I Can’t move. can’t breathe. can’t speak.

He isn’t allowed

to leave me like this!

Terrified, confused,

And utterly alone.

Questions push at my Madness.

Both breaking me down as they start.

Regret twisting tearing and searing.

Ripping shredding through my mind and heart

Darkness changes what I see,

Daylight steals what the night has taught.

Wondering where the answer is

 

What did he hide in his mind?

Why was he scared?

What did he find?

What piece of the puzzle,

Made him want to run?

Tell me not trust

Almost anyone?

Unsure and alone

Fantasy colors my mind

Intrigue and suspicion

Shade my eyes till I’m blind

I wish and I hope

But I never believe

“Don’t trust anyone”

Except for me”.

He told me to wait

then and gave me his cross

Hee got in a car

and then he drove off.

I never saw him again

after that.

He told me to wait,

And died without coming back.

I miss him for more

Than the moments we’ve spent

I weep for him and me.

For what could have been.

Under grief still I wonder,

Though not outside my head.

Where he really is?

I’m certain he isn’t dead.

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