Her

I Swallow hard.
I’m breathing harder.
Like i’m underwater
Sounds slow down
Cant see farther
Than the end of my hand
I can barely stand
Muscles locked up
Heart hammering
Airs fierce rushing
Blood pounding crushing
me low under Tears that
Wont Stop coming
Swallow them down
But they keep fallin
Wash my face
Pretend i’m not crying
just do what i gotta do
To be who I want to
so I can Have a use
Not be weak juice
Not worth the squeeze
spending life knocking knees
Hands shaking Voice breaking
It Takes control of me
Wraps me up in steel wire
puppet strings
controlling me
Freezes me immobilizes me
Scares me to death
When it takes ahold of me
And I don’t know what to do
But I won’t fold I act bold
Grit my teeth smile and nod
In a Socially acceptable facade
To disguise that
I am drowning.
Keep on smiling
Without ever breathing.
I can’t explain it.
So I just don’t say it
I don’t know how to talk
About what makes me
Want to weep and die
So I run and hide.
Where I can cry.
Where no one will watch.
That makes me feel caught
Trapped and caged
Stuck in one square foot
Of iron I can’t escape.
I can feel it pulling me
Wears me down to have This
Freaks me out that I don’t know
What the fuck This is
Creeps me out that
I can’t find out
Why I turned around
Put my head down to sleep
Woke up a decade later
Scared of strangers
All around
Pisses me off that no one
Cares or believes me.
Makes me so
mother fucking angry!
But I won’t be
mad out loud
So I just breathe and
Try to push it down
When it hits me it’s sudden.
I’m laughing and joking
then I’m stuttering and choking
Inside all out raging storm
Keep my face smooth And still
in the ice act like I’m warm
Tears might fall but
I don’t lose my will
It tears at my hope
Fill me with doubt
Makes me need to run
To just get THE FUCK out!
Nowhere to go
Circling down.
Into the ground.
What am I going to do now?

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