To all the people who mocked Me: Prepare to feel like Massive Assholes

 I went to the ear specialist today. The Dr. was a total asshole. First he treated me like a nutter, then he acted like I was an idiot. Before he even looked at my ears,  he mentally checked me off and scooted me under the hypochondriac list.


He didn’t say a word. He just got up from his stool and began hooking up a lighted ear camera. He cursed at the laptop before pushing it towards me.


So I did. Where an eardrum should have been, there was nothing. A ridge of scar tissue was barely visible and I had only one unbroken bone left in my inner ear. Out of the three ossicles one remained intact. I looked at the space where the bones should have been. I felt nothing. He showed me the left. Only half of it remained.  Slashed across scar tissue marring the eardrum it stretched almost entirely across the bottom. I said nothing.

I wept.

I wept because I have been saying there was something wrong for years and NO ONE BELIEVED ME.

In high school I went to a specialist. They told me I had no eardrum and needed surgery.

The surgery was an impossible expense. I was told by my parents that the ear drum would grow back. So I fucking believed that bullshit.

I was practically deaf, but somehow I was muddling through. Alternatives weren’t investigated. No one even acted like it was a big deal. So I thought that it wasn’t anything that would effect me.

See, I have had ear nose and throat infections my entire life. During the years that language is absorbed, I couldn’t hear it. I read it. I could speak, but I didn’t hear so I never understood quite right.

My whole life I was almost completely deaf and had no Idea because I didn’t know I was supposed to be Hearing more.

Dr. stood up and I began to ask him questions. He told me he didn’t know and walked away as I wept for the wasted time of my life.

Stopping at the door, he turned around and looked at me.

“You had to have known. This can’t be a shock.”

I had thought I had hearing loss. But If I had never heard better than I do, how on earth would I know I was supposed to? I think Dr. is an asshole and I think that to all those mother fuckers out there that have been cruel to me, mocked me. Belittled me and talked shit on me. Acted like I was a liar while I was trying to figure out what happened. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ASSHOLES DIDNT BELIEVE ME.

Dueces bitches


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