Because (under construction)

Because!

My life is so damn hard

In a way no one else

In the whole wide world

Would ever understand.

Because!

My problems are worse than all

the billions of people on this planet!

Why doesn’t anyone understand it?

My life, my pain, my terrible past

Means I get a special pass

The rules you have when listening to me

Are Different than the ones I need

You to follow when  talking to me.

I need to talk, why aren’t you listening?

I’m trying to repeat the same thing you

just said but louder more insistently

less respectfully and as if it’s me.

Inconsistently  demanding you

live to standards I don’t want to.

Listening attentively authentically

Is what I get not give and I don’t see.

How you can so selfishly

talk over me after telling me

you care for me why can’t you see.

I had a hard life my childhood was rough.

While everyone had heaven

I had Hell growing up

I have a list of reasons longer

Than my leg that excuse me

from ever doing consciously choosing

to do the right thing nope I’ll

just keep explaining and blaming

Everybody who is at fault for me

Not being where or how I should be

How can I prove, what evidence do you need

To explain that my heart

is the only one that bleeds!

my head is to screwed up for

anybody to expect me

get over myself and get up

say what’s done is fucked

But I still have feet so I’ll  walk on

No way that just can’t be done

im not sure you understand

which isn’t fair I’ve spent

Every minute with you listening

without speaking at all

why  cant you do that for me

Why don’t I see drastic

steps taken in an evening

for you to better respect my feelings

i can never be mistreated

after all the places I’ve lived

all the crimes against my body

i deserve a freee pass for life

I do.  Not you. You have never been through

anything close to what I went through

None of the 7.8 billion of you

Can feel like I do

thats statistically impossible

Geographically implausible

mathmatitically improbable

i am not responsible

for the actions I have done

i don’t want consequences

i deserve a better run

made some mistakes made corrections

paid attention so I could learn

mans found out who I could be

made the choice to live like I was that person

no excuses just deeds

cuz the winner is the person who discovers what they wil be and decides to do something

better than explaining why  I could not

and realized that I would not

and that thought pissed. Me off

so I rose up and brushed it off

started getting ready to pick up

my baggage with a bow and

get back in the race wearing all my weights

Putting in the effort to begin again

not making or taking excuses again.

From myself or anyone else again

consequences have actions

My actions build my life

life is the one thing in the world that I can have

but I can’t stand up and say straight faced

that I may or not have been able to make

the right choice knew what I would be proud to say I spent my life not trying to do but building up who I want to be but hey that’s just me

I just wanna be the kinda person not the words I want to say to figure out why I can’t always

always saying that I’ll try, no I

am going to be just me

and just be grateful for a day waking up and I can walk and talk and see and nothing is wrong with me I’ve grown strong in me

ive looked at the wrong in me truth I’ve seen

that wasn’t very flattering and I just can’t be perfectly responsible.

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